spidered half to death

this isnt so much about brian, as about us as a couple...

brian, standing on the porch looking at the doorway: holy crap! there is a HUGE spider right there! get me something!

me: here is a shoe, where is it?

brian: RIGHT BY YOUR FOOT!

me: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (i retreat to the back of our apartment) what are you doing? are you gonna smash it?

brian: no, im gonna throw it at it.

me: no!  you are gonna miss and make it run!

brian: no i wont, im gonna hit it.

brian throws shoe and misses, spider goes running to the love sac.

im safely in our bedroom screaming.

brian: im gonna spray it with break fluid....(sprays) AHHHH AHHHHHH!!!!  (spider runs out from love sac) at least its running slower...

brian throws shoe at the spider, spider explodes.

brian grabs dust pan to sweep up spider.

me: dont use that! i dont want spider on it! use a paper towel!

brian: i am NOT touching it in ANY way, YOU do it!

me:......ok fine, just use it...

two people who hate spiders shouldnt cohabitat without an effective plan of attack.

lions and tigers and deers, oh my.

we live on the lower part of a mountain, and deer can often be seen in your yard or laying in the gutter on the side of the road in the winter.  we always had deer tracks through our yard, but this time, there was a deer right outside our door, precipitating this conversation...


me, looking out the door: oo there is a deer in our yard!

brian: i hate deer.

me: why?! they are like cute over grown mice with antlers.

brian: no they are like bears.

brian, looking out the door: good, there are no more bears in our yard.

this is why we have no pets. 

PROJECT hilarious

i am awful. its been over a year since i updated this thing, but that is going to change! to account for my lack of updating, i have a good excuse i promise.

last year was my first year of law school.

and i survived.

i think thats a great excuse.

and brian has been working full time until recently, since he just got into BYU's graphic design program.

my husband is going to be professionally awesome, basically.

so, in ode to my lack of ability to keep up long term updates, im starting a new project.

if you know my husband, chances are you have seen brian pull the most random things ever out of his butt.

if you dont know my husband, you are going to get to know his funny bone. and if you get to know him after reading this, you might have a hard time believing

its the same person.

but he is.

i promise.

this is the project's debut:

brian: i totally just wiped that test's butt with my brain.

me: do you know your score?

brian: no. unless AWESOME is a score.


he is such a smarty pants.